Last week, my daughter Lily brought home a Mother’s Day worksheet from daycare—the kind where kids answer questions about their parents in their own adorably unfiltered way.
According to Lily, I am made of cake.
My favorite food? Cake.
The best thing I cook? Cake.
My hobbies? Flowers and—you guessed it—cake.
For the record, I don’t even eat that much cake. But apparently, I give off strong “pan cake energy.” And honestly? I’ll take it.
What really got me, though, was her answer to why she loves me:
“Because she makes me happy.”
That simple line hit me in the gut. Because as funny as the cake obsession is, it revealed something deeper—something leaders don’t always realize in real time.
She’s watching.
And not just when I’m trying to impress or teach or be “on.”
She’s absorbing the everyday stuff. My tone. My presence. My consistency.
And that’s where the idea of leadership shadows comes in.
Leadership Shadows Are the Impressions We Leave—Whether We Mean To or Not
In leadership development, we talk a lot about influence. Strategy. Communication. But the shadow we cast is what people actually carry with them.
Not our mission statements—but our mood.
Not our intentions—but our patterns.
Not the polished message—but the unspoken behaviors we repeat.
At work, I’ve seen this play out again and again—especially in HR.
A manager who always rolls their eyes in meetings? That shadow becomes cynicism.
A leader who checks in even when nothing’s wrong? That shadow becomes trust.
Even silence leaves a mark. When people don’t feel seen or supported, they fill in the blanks.
And it’s not just professional—it’s personal.
The same dynamic shows up in parenting, partnerships, and friendships. Our kids don’t memorize our advice. They model our reactions.
Three Reminders for Intentional Leaders (and Parents)
1. Your smallest actions become someone else’s pattern. Lily won’t remember every conversation. But she will remember how I made her feel. Whether I was joyful or short, warm or rushed—that sticks.
2. You’re leading even when you think you’re just surviving. We often reserve our best for work or big moments. But some of our most defining leadership happens in unguarded, everyday spaces. Your presence matters even when you’re not performing.
3. You can choose your shadow. That’s the most hopeful part. You don’t need to be perfect—just intentional. Reflect on what you want people to feel when they work with you, live with you, or watch you move through the world.
So, What Shadow Am I Casting?
Apparently: joy, steadiness, and cake.
And if Lily keeps associating me with warmth, comfort, and the sweet stuff of life—well, I’ll consider that a win. I don’t need to be the perfect mom. Or the perfect leader. But I do want to be someone whose presence leaves others feeling safe, seen, and maybe just a little sweeter.
What about you?
What shadow are you casting?
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