Post 9 of 10 in the series: The Grace to Make Changes. You can read the full series here.

When You’re There, But Not Fully There

I used to think 85% was impressive. Consistent. Responsible. Faithful, even.
And maybe it was.
But over time, I started to realize… 85% was just enough to look committed, while still protecting myself from the cost of going all in.

Maybe you’ve been there too.

You show up. You serve. You pray. You support the people around you.
And yet, some part of you feels held back.
Like you’re living just outside the experience you’re supposed to be having.

For me, that showed up most between 2020 and 2024.

When Life Felt Like Fog

It wasn’t every day. And it wasn’t some big dramatic unraveling.
I was still doing what I needed to do—parenting, working, trying to be present.
I even had moments of real laughter and joy.

Me, Desmond, and Amy at a restaurant—smiling on the outside, but I still felt like something was missing.

But then there were days when it felt like I was living behind a glass wall. Like I could see the joy in my children’s faces, be in the room, be in the moment—but not feel it in full.

I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t overwhelmed. I wasn’t even unhappy.

I just felt far away from my own emotions. Like everything good was happening in the room, but I was watching it through a window.
And I couldn’t figure out why.

I told my husband a few times, “It’s like my feelings are trapped behind a mirror.” But I didn’t know what I was asking for. And I’m not sure he knew how to respond.

So I kept going. I kept moving. I did the best I could.
But I started to wonder if maybe the problem was that I had lost myself somewhere along the way.

I wasn’t showing up for me.
I was giving out, pouring into others, trying to keep everything running—but not taking time to ask what I needed. Not checking in on my soul.

And when you lose touch with your own spirit, even good things start to feel distant.

I started praying more.
Sitting quietly with God.
Trying to meditate. Trying to be honest.
And it wasn’t until late 2024, in the safety of counseling, that I finally found the language: I wasn’t broken—I was disconnected.

Disconnected from my own inner life. Disconnected from the fullness of what I was made to feel.
I wasn’t giving God or my people the version of me that was whole. Not because I didn’t care—but because I didn’t know how to offer more than 85%.
Not yet.

Noah Didn’t Build 85% of the Ark

I keep coming back to Noah.

God gave him a massive, strange, long-term assignment. Build an ark in the middle of dry land. Prepare for a flood that had never been seen. And Noah didn’t negotiate. He didn’t scale it down. He didn’t say, “This is good enough.”

Because 85% obedience wouldn’t have saved his family.

That convicts me.
Not because I want to be perfect.
But because I want to be faithful.

Faithfulness doesn’t stop at good enough.
It finishes. It endures. It leans in fully—even when the instructions don’t make sense.

“By faith Noah, being warned of God of things not seen as yet, moved with fear, prepared an ark to the saving of his house…”
Hebrews 11:7 (KJV)

Where Are You Holding Back?

Maybe you’re not disconnected like I was.
Maybe you’re deeply aware, but exhausted.
Maybe you’re giving, but selectively.
Maybe you’re showing up, but only with 85% of your heart—just enough to appear invested, while still keeping a piece of yourself hidden away.

But grace doesn’t just cover the gaps—it calls us into completion.

God doesn’t expect perfection.
But He does call us into presence.
Into wholeness. Into honest, wholehearted commitment.

Try This

Pause and ask yourself:
Where have I been giving just enough to get by—but not enough to truly grow?
What would it look like to give 100%—not to people-please, but to align with what God is asking of me?

This isn’t about striving.
It’s about surrender.
Because you don’t have to be the strongest—you just have to be all in.

Closing Prayer

God, I don’t want to live in fractions.
I want to follow You with my whole heart.
Show me where I’ve settled.
Call me into completion.
Help me give You more than effort—help me give You everything.
Amen.